Archived Story

A little seasonal advice

Published 8:45pm Tuesday, September 10, 2013

By Rex Alphin

Dear Dr. Rex:

I know you often help people with their problems, and here is mine.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who deals with this. It’s my husband. He eats, sleeps and dreams sports.

Right after the Super Bowl, he can’t wait for the start of NASCAR. Sunday afternoons are spent watching cars go endlessly around in circles.

It doesn’t matter whether we have guests or not, as such-and-such a race in such-and-such a city takes precedence over everything. I can’t imagine a Sunday afternoon without the sound of car engines filling our living room.

When March comes in, so do the college basketball tournaments. Every weekend. It seems each game is a must-see, because this team might upset that team or so-and-so might score a lot of points. My husband tells me there are 64 teams in this thing, Dr. Rex! Sixty-four teams!

After college basketball, golf kicks in. Every weekend. Grown men spending Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday hitting little white balls into holes with sticks. And my husband sitting there watching them as the house falls into disrepair.

Not to mention baseball. A thousand games all summer long, filling in between NASCAR and golf.

But I’ve saved the best (or worst) for last. I think the first nine months of the year simply serve to prime him for his favorite sport of all: football.

Come September, all of life stops to pay homage to pigskin. A bunch of crazy men running into each other for three hours, after which a bunch more do the same thing.

They tell me it takes a week to recover from bruises and injuries before they do it all again. College football. Pro football. Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday afternoon and night, Sunday afternoon and night, and even Monday night. It never stops!

Like a walrus, my husband parks himself in front of that box, surrounded by those things he considers essential to life: Chips, beer and pizza.

All the while, the trim needs painting, the bathroom sink is dripping, the car could use a vacuuming, and I find more shingles in the yard every day. What am I to do?

Even as I write this, my husband is sitting 10 feet away, oblivious to me, watching the Washington Redskins play the Dallas Cowboys. Dr. Rex, can you help me ?

Signed, Tired in Texas

Dear Tired: I certainly understand your frustration. This is a common problem in households across the country, but I believe I can help.

I would go with the Redskins. I know they have a young quarterback, but he has great potential. If the team remains healthy and picks up some good wide receivers, they should be playoff-bound.

Glad I could be of assistance, and I hope you have a winning season!

Rex Alphin of Walters is a farmer, businessman, author, county supervisor and contributing columnist for the Suffolk News-Herald. His email address is rexalphin@aol.com.

PrintFriendly

Leave a comment

You must be a registered user and signed in to read and leave comments on this article.

Editor's Picks