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Am I the only one who …

Published 10:37pm Tuesday, March 11, 2014
  • Sweeps dirt under the rug?
  • Uses his hairbrush as a back scratcher?
  • When still in bed early morning and gets a phone call asking, “Did I get you up?” replies by saying, “Of course not.”
  • Sometimes cries in the shower?
  • Has a stash of cash somewhere no one else knows about?
  • Has a stash of chocolate somewhere no one else knows about?
  • Burps out loud and confidently when he is alone?
  • Seems to never have enough money?
  • Pouts, but would never call it that?
  • Likes to pop bubble-wrap?
  • Acts different just because he is in church?
  • Steps onto the dance floor not sure what he will do?
  • Feels his pants getting tighter around the waist?
  • Has run up the down escalator?
  • Imagines a shark nearby while swimming in the ocean?
  • Is still afraid of getting a shot?
  • Still wants to climb a tree?
  • Sometimes feels insecure, unworthy, inadequate and unconfident but will go to his grave before letting someone know?
  • Has an extremely difficult time uttering the words, “I was wrong”?
  • Bites a Tootsie Pop within 10 seconds, just to get to the middle?
  • Slows down when he sees a policeman, no matter how fast he is driving?
  • Prays and sometimes wonders if anyone is listening?
  • Has opened his eyes while kissing?
  • Hopes his wife doesn’t read this column?

Rex Alphin of Walters is a farmer, businessman, author, county supervisor and contributing columnist for the Suffolk News-Herald. His email address is


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