Published 12:00 am Friday, June 11, 2004

Remember, you read it here. None of the politicians will tell you where they are but I have no reason to keep it secret any longer. I want to get it off my chest and forget it. Those Weapons of Mass Destruction are buried in tunnels dug under the town of al-Baida near the city of Hama in northern Syria. These tunnels are an integral part of an under ground factory built by the North Koreans for producing Scud missiles. Iraqi chemical weapons are stored in these tunnels.

The village of Tal Snan, north of the town of Salamija where there is a big Syrian air force camp…vital parts of Iraq’s WMDs are stored there. And also in the city of Sjinsjar on the Syrian border with Lebanon, south of the city of Homs. This info comes from my old friend Nizar Najoef who recently defected from Syria to Western Europe. Najoef says the transfer of Iraqi WMD to Syria was organized by the Republican Guard including General Shalish with the help of Assif

Shoakat Bashar. Assads’s cousin Shoakat is the CEO of Bhaha an import/export company owned by the Assad family. The reason that liberals don’t believe WMDs exist is because they can’t pronounce these Arabic names and skip over them like you did.


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Suggestion number 5) to improve the campaign luster of John Kerry just came in the mail from James &uot;Cooter&uot; Thompson. He’s the Designated Letter Writer for the guys at Daryl’s Bait Shop down in Lagniappe, Louisiana:

&uot;John, me and Boudreau wonder why you aren’t going to the wrasslin’ matches to get votes. We’ve seen videotape of you on the ski slopes. You got some good moves, looks like you already know how to take a fall. All of us here (except Freddie Dobbs and Herm Harrison) are great fans of wrasslin’. Not that we’d vote for you just because you was one.

&uot;Armen Yazoo is a wrasslin’ maniac but none of us would vote for him even if he was running only for dogcatcher. So you got to tread easy on showing you’re Joe Sixpack who just happened to go to a Swiss prep school and St. Paul’s School and Yale. We’d see through that in about a minute and a half and mark you for a hypocritical windbag and general liar. You needn’t go to the trouble of hanging a black velvet Elvis oil painting in any of your living rooms. Weren’t none of us recently fell off’n a turnip truck. Tell us something you’re for. We already know what you’re against.

&uot;If you’re for lower gasoline prices in the morning, don’t be proposing a 50 cents a gallon tax boost on gasoline in the afternoon. Saying one thing in Shreveport and the opposite in Baton Rouge don’t inspire us with confidence with you as President. Maybe you should stay in the Senate where you got 99 other guys to share the responsibility with.

Each member of the Bush Administration can list several degrees after their name. Here is a list of the Hollywood critics none of whom can list anything more than a high school diploma: Barbra Streisand, Martin Sheen, Jessica Lange, Alex Baldwin, Julia Roberts, Sean Penn, Ed Asner, George Clooney, Michael Moore, Mike Farrell, and Janeane Garafalo. Larry Hagman did one year at Bard College, and Cher dropped out in the ninth grade. None of these celebrities have intelligence gathering agencies.

Big doings at the Suffolk Executive Airport this weekend. Come early and watch 50 or so private planes fly in, or later and see them on display. There will also be a few from as far back as World War II and before. I saw a restored Spit Fire and Hurricane from England, a Messersmidt and its archenemy our American P-40. At 10 a.m. Larry Pennington will jump out of his plane and carry the American flag down to the airport. The rest of the day you can buy a plane ride, a parachute jump, plenty of good food, and learn about the great potential for our airport. For car buffs there will be antique autos in the best condition of their lives. If you like to see gas-powered model airplanes flying this is the place to be Saturday. Flag Day open house at the Suffolk Executive Airport.

Robert Pocklington is a resident of Suffolk and a regular News-Herald columnist. He can be contacted via e-mail: robert.pocklington@suffolknewsherald.com