Time to talk about domestic violence
Published 11:20 pm Friday, November 18, 2011
Last week, I covered my second murder-suicide in Suffolk in less than three years.
Both stemmed from domestic violence. Both were tragic. Both were preventable. And even the first one was one too many.
And these two incidents were far from the only domestic violence to have occurred in Suffolk in recent years. There have been a few murders, where the perpetrator didn’t commit suicide afterward, that have been attributed to domestic violence. And nearly every day, the police reports that are emailed to us from the police department carry incident after incident of domestic assault.
Obviously, the problem isn’t unique to Suffolk. According to the Domestic Violence Resource Center, about three women and one man are murdered by their significant other in the United States every day. One in four women has experienced domestic violence in her lifetime. Nearly every American personally knows someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence, whether they are aware of it or not.
Given these statistics and the recent incidents in Suffolk, it seems it’s time for a conversation on domestic violence.
The first thing that should be put out there is that it’s not the victim’s fault. Making the victim feel at fault is a key part of the perpetrator’s cycle. That way, the abuser rationalizes the abuse in his or her mind and gets the victim to stick around for more abuse.
Second, we should stop making it so difficult and embarrassing for victims to come forward. Those who have never been through domestic violence often show their lack of understanding with phrases like “Why don’t you just leave?” And besides the Genieve Shelter, which is often full, there’s really nowhere in Suffolk for victims to go to try to escape.
We should also do more general education so people know what domestic violence looks like before they get trapped in the middle of such a situation. That way, they’ll know that domestic violence does not stop once it starts, and they can get out more quickly.
And we should also educate everyone on what they can do to help people they know get out of a violent situation. Friends, family and co-workers can help best by letting the victim know you believe them, by listening to them, and by helping them figure out what to do.
For more information, visit www.dvrc-or.org.