Revising my list for Santa
Published 7:49 pm Thursday, December 22, 2011
OK, Santa. Apparently I was unclear on the things I asked for last year. Or perhaps I was in violation of your age rule. All the same, I’ll just assume that my letter got lost in all that snow or stuck on the hoof of a reindeer. (Hey, these things happen.)
Let’s not fool ourselves on this whole “Have I been naughty or nice?” thing. We frequent the same buffets, so you know my caloric intake has not been ideal. But if Christmas spirit was ever meant for a tubby old soul in this world, it’s got to be me. Show me some of that trademark holly-jolly, and I’ll just get to revising my list from last year.
4As a fan, it’s simply not in me to give up on my team, but I’ve decided not to waste a Christmas wish on the Miami Dolphins this year. Instead, I’ll hide behind the tears I cry over each loss.
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4You may also remember — if you did, in fact, get last year’s letter — that the creaks and cracks in my body have been a real nuisance. But growing older and wiser has brought me to a place of acceptance. The creaks and cracks are no longer a sign of old age but a melodic tune trumpeting a more mature being. So maybe you did deliver on that one, Santa.
4Even though I was only half-kidding about the whole endless supply of super bacon — devoid of calories, salt, sugar or fat, yet still tastes like regular bacon — I am glad I did not receive it. After all, anything I do, I do it to death. Knowing that, you must have held back for my own good. So thanks, Santa … I guess.
4I’m also glad you didn’t change the word “diet” to mean something different than what my doctor takes it to mean. I’ve come to realize that ignoring words like diet, calories, and saturated fat only leads to the use of other words like surgery, amputation, and even untimely demise. So in case you are still negotiating with the Webster’s dictionary people, consider that request withdrawn.
To show you I’m not completely selfish, I suppose I should thank you for having the wisdom to deny me those wishes from last year. I appreciate that gift very much.
I do feel I have earned at least one small wish this year, though. I know you’re probably expecting another request for a bedside Chinese food buffet, but I’ve let that ship sail, and I’ll trust your judgment on not giving it to me.
My wish this year is a simple one. In the new year, I ask for more time to appreciate what Suffolk and its good people have to offer. I hope they benefit from the work we do here at the Suffolk News-Herald. Our late nights and extra effort are our ongoing gifts to all of Suffolk, gifts we gladly offer. So I wish to spend more time in the community getting to know the people in the photographs that cross my desk.
But if I can’t make it into the community more in the new year, I’ll still take that buffet — if you happen to have one just lying around.
Merry Christmas, Suffolkians. May all your Christmas wishes be granted.