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As a pastor in this community, I often find myself navigating the sacred space between conviction and compassion. I serve a church that includes a wide spectrum of beliefs and backgrounds—people who don’t always agree, but who are trying to follow Jesus. I’ve always believed that one of the most important things we can do, especially in moments of division, is to speak with both clarity and care. Regularly, I show deep care for people with whom I adamantly disagree. This is part of my calling, not because I’m a pastor, but because I’m a follower of Christ. I will continue to disagree with them; I will even work in opposition to their beliefs. However, I have a covenant with them to provide pastoral care, teaching, and leadership as best as I am able. In other words, I get it. I know it’s hard to love and have compassion in the midst of disagreement or faced with a lack of understanding. None of us is perfect at it. However, we must try to be better, especially for the children. 

Recently, Suffolk Public Schools adopted a policy to comply with state-level mandates regarding how transgender and gender non-conforming students are treated. I understand that some school board members may have felt their hands were tied. There are restrictions and difficulties on how much they can ignore state mandates. Others, I would assume, voted for these changes not as an act of compliance, but with the satisfaction of their personal convictions now being able to be implemented as policy. A significant portion, though not a majority, voted against the policy changes. Still, as a Christian and a community leader, I must say plainly: we are talking about real children. Precious children. We must realize this on a deep level. These aren’t political points to score, talking points for our agendas, or sound bites for a news story. They are children. Precious, if not to you, certainly to their Creator. Nor are they out to harm others, attack your way of living, or even change your mind. They are simply trying to exist in as safe and loved a way as they know how. That is tremendously difficult for any child, especially the most vulnerable. We must ask, “Are we keeping them safe? Do these changes make the most vulnerable and at risk safer? Are we treating them with dignity? Are we showing love?” The first priority of a public school system is to keep children safe. Perhaps the most important thing a community can do is to love its children. Every community, state, nation, and society should be measured, not by its power and wealth, but by how it cares for the most vulnerable.

I believe most people, regardless of their theological or political views, would answer that those goals matter deeply. This policy shift raises some real concerns—concerns I hope we can wrestle with honestly, across our differences. Regardless of whether a policy changes or not, community members, neighbors, family, friends, and people of goodwill can act in ways that close the gaps in safety this policy shift creates. 

One part of the new policy requires school staff to notify parents, and other staff involved in the child’s education, if a student shares that they identify as transgender, even if the child may not be safe at home, or hasn’t built a relationship of trust with other staff. The removal of prior provisions that allowed for discretion in these cases is troubling. We know from multiple studies and heartbreaking personal stories, that some LGBTQ+ youth face emotional or physical harm when outed before they are ready. Nobody should out a child, or any person, to someone they are not already out to. If a child is afraid to talk to their own parents, the problem isn’t just the policy. But the solution cannot be to force their disclosure. Our role as adults should be to build trust, not to break it.

Likewise, denying students the basic dignity of being called by their chosen name and pronouns may seem like a small thing to some—but for the student, it could be everything. By “everything” I mean the thing that keeps them alive. The names we use matter. They are wrapped up in identity, safety, and respect. Calling someone by the name they give you is not only a kind act, it can also be life-giving. Quite frankly, it’s truly a simple thing to do. I don’t understand the difficulty people have with it. If I knew that all I had to do to make a person feel loved was call them by their chosen name, that would be one of the simplest relationships I would have as a pastor. I believe in a God who knows us each by name, a God who doesn’t change when our names change, who calls us all beloved. Shouldn’t we do the same? I was alarmed to see that this policy goes so far as to remove previous guidance to follow the written professional recommendations of licensed psychiatrists and psychologists who may have a longstanding relationship of mental health care with a student. Would we accept a policy involving children, or even for ourselves, that removed following the recommendations of their primary care physician? 

I also worry about the removal of LGBTQ-specific training for counselors. Good care requires good preparation. In my education and training in pastoral care, I’ve come to learn, and to experience, that different demographics have different needs. Ask any licensed mental health professional and you’ll get the same understanding. If we believe that all children deserve support, especially when they are struggling or vulnerable, then our counselors need the tools to help them. This is not about ideology—it’s about mental health and basic human care. Given the high risk of bullying and self-harm that LGBTQ children face, this increases the likelihood that this policy change may one day be signed with the blood of a child. I pray that isn’t the case and that both policies and community care are shaped in the future to prevent such a tragedy. Still, there is no doubt, the risk of that has now increased. 

I do not claim to understand every nuance of gender identity or the full complexity of every policy. I also do not believe I need to understand, or even agree, with a child to provide for their safety, support their mental well-being, and ensure their dignity and worth are known. I realize the complexities and difficulties of serving in certain roles. However, I often think of a wise saying whenever possible: “Solve the complex issues with simple solutions.” I do believe what Jesus taught and how He lived: love your neighbor, care for the vulnerable, and do no harm. In that light, I look forward to when we do better for all our students, especially those who feel unseen or unsafe.

Some may worry that being affirming in this way compromises their faith and relationship with Jesus. I would argue the opposite. When Pope Francis was asked about LGBTQ people, his response was simple: “Who am I to judge?” More recently, he encouraged pastoral care over condemnation and reminded the Church that we are not gatekeepers but servants of grace. He’s not alone. Thousands upon thousands of religious leaders and theologians, child psychologists, and pediatricians have advocated and educated that love, compassion, understanding, and acceptance are the healthier and heavenly way. People of the Christian faith, and of good will, should strive to be servants of grace, be willing to be transformed, and not be inclined to pass judgment simply because we don’t understand. I’d encourage you to read the “Litany of Confession” that the West Ohio Conference of The United Methodist Church recently held. Following John Wesley’s first rule, “Do No Harm,” the litany lists the ways in which the Methodist Church confesses to having failed the oppressed and most vulnerable. It begins, “Today, we are called to confess that in the struggles of our church over the past decades, the actions of this body have harmed siblings in Christ. When one part of the body suffers, all suffer. Therefore, let us confess our sin in the presence of the One who hears us and heals us.” It’s a powerful moment of confession in worship. 

As we continue these hard conversations in Suffolk, I hope that we will lead not with fear, but with love. That we will put the well-being of children before ideology. And that we will remember: these aren’t just “issues.” These are young lives. And love—true, courageous, Christ-like love—should always be the guide for those claiming to be Christ followers.

May it be so. 

Rev. Jason Stump is pastor of Oakland Christian UCC in Suffolk. He’s the author of “Beyond The Pulpit — Reflections on Pastorin’ and Livin’” which is available on Amazon. He can also be found on Substack @pastorstumpy.