Surrendering to the french fries

Published 7:06 pm Saturday, December 25, 2010

It was the middle of January 2006 when I found myself looking over my shoulder as I walked into a Chick-fil-A. Satisfied that no one would witness my transgression, I hurried in to do something I knew I would regret the rest of the year: I was going to buy as many fries as I could get my hands on; and then I was going to eat them.

You see, that year I made the mistake of tailoring my New Year’s resolution to something I had realized the previous December. At the end of the month I took a look at my receipts for December and realized I had purchased and, I assume, consumed fries from various fast food places every day that month.

It shocked me, too. Not only do I not remember eating that many fries, I’m pretty sure I would be about the size of a boat if I had. But, receipts don’t lie. So, I resolved to go cold turkey and not eat a single fry for at least a month.

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And that brings us to the fateful day, not even two weeks into the New Year, when I decided to break my resolution. I purchased 10 large orders of Chick-fil-A waffle fries, my personal favorite when it comes to deep-fried potatoes.

I attempted to look nonchalant as I carried the two bags, bulging with golden-fried goodness, to my car. I made it home before I began eating the treats, but I am especially not proud to say that I did, indeed, eat every single last fry.

I have never been so happy in all my life, sitting on my bed surrounded by empty fry containers and stuffed to the brim. The happy feeling didn’t last long, though, since I’m pretty sure that I have never been sicker in all my life, either. Let’s just say that I will never again attempt to eat so many fries in one sitting.

Since then, I have never made a New Year resolution involving food. While others resolved to cut out soda or to lose weight, I stuck with the safer bet of resolving to read more books.

Now that Christmas is over, it’s finally time to begin contemplating what this year’s resolution will be. For many, resolutions amount to little more than empty words that won’t mean anything once January is over. For others they become mantras that keep them from doing things they know they shouldn’t, like eating too many french fries, or to remind them to do things they should, like exercise and eat right. And, they almost always seem to backfire.

That’s why this year I will resolve to stop making resolutions. Instead I plan to eat some french fries, content in the knowledge that though I may not be improving my health in 2011, at least I won’t be breaking any resolutions.