Q. How long does it really take to get to know someone in a relationship?

A. Hi. Thank you for writing in. This is a great question.

I think one to two years, at the least, is about how long it takes to get to know someone. Honestly, it really takes a lifetime but most people want to know how long it takes to get to know someone before making important decisions to move forward in the relationship.

With that in mind, one to two years allows you to see the person through the seasons of spring, summer, autumn, and winter. You want to see how their personality changes over time, and there will be personality changes and challenges. You want to see them happy, sad, frustrated and overwhelmed — not all at the same time, but that could happen too!

You want to see how they react to loss, failure, achievement and so forth. You want to see how they are around family, friends, co-workers, strangers, seniors, children and so on. I think you get my point.

We are not always ourselves in the beginning, because we are nervous, because of what we are taught or learned along the way, and we bring a lot of baggage into a relationship and it takes time to grow and mature — and that’s just the relationship itself.

Then, you have the maturity of the two people and their family and childhood backgrounds, habits, beliefs, hurts of the past and pains from adulthood. Can you see why getting to know someone takes time, and should take time?

Relationships can be a great place for healing if you make it through the storms. If you ask any married couple, they will tell you that they know a lot about each other but are still getting to know each other even after many years.

A good marriage does take work, but know that the work begins before you get married and continues well after you say “I do.” That is why I am still dating my husband.

Dr. Carletta N. Perry offers therapeutic life, relationship and career coaching. Catch her television show, “It’s Life Changing with Dr. Carletta Perry,” Sundays at 11:30 p.m. on WSKY/SKY-4 and on YouTube. Email her at contact@drcarlettaperry.com.