Best wishes to the boat thief

Published 10:18 pm Thursday, September 22, 2016

To the editor:

In 1972, I purchased my Christmas tree early, sawed off an inch of the base to allow it to “drink” and placed it in my backyard in a bucket of water with Pro-Long in it to keep it fresh.

Three nights later it was stolen. They left the bucket.

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Two days ago, during torrential rains, the water in our end of Lake Meade rose three to four feet. It lifted the rope of our jonboat over the post to which it was moored and sent it down the lake.

We noticed its absence upon returning home and tracked it to the end of the lake, the causeway of Murphy’s Mill Road. There it was.

Since it was still pouring and getting dark, we just tied the boat off to the guardrail on Murphy’s Mill to keep until morning, when the rain stopped.

The boat was stolen during the night. They didn’t even leave the rope.

My question to the thief who stole the Christmas tree and whoever took the boat is the same: How can you possibly enjoy it?

I like to think the person who stole the tree was Bob Cratchit — wanting a warm and loving holiday for his family when he couldn’t afford a tree. If so, I forgive him. (A nice Christian sentiment.)

But I think that both thieves simply wanted something for nothing. I hope the boat thief gets a backlash on every cast, chokes on the bones of every fish he tries to eat, and someday has a lovely puppy fall overboard and drown. (Which makes me a bad Christian.)

For the rest of you, if you see a 12-foot NOVA jonboat with the numbers VA2108AW and green and white oars in your neighbor’s yard, it’s mine.

Biff Andrews