Q&A with Dr. Carletta Perry: Divorced and broken

Published 8:58 pm Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Q: I am divorced and broken but so tired of being sad! How do I start over?

A: Hi there! Thank you for reaching out to me.

Well, it’s a new year, and it’s time for a new you. Let’s get started with your Happy New Year makeover!

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I heard four key things, so let’s focus on those four things: divorce, broken, tired and starting over.

First, divorce is a major life change and can be very difficult to adjust to, due to a change in relationship status, a change in finances and a complex mix of emotions, such as hurt, anger, sadness or happiness.

During this adjustment period, it is important to give yourself the gift of time before entering into a new relationship. Date yourself, go to the movies, wine and dine yourself, and get to know your likes and dislikes so you know who you are, what you have to offer, and what you want in return from a future partner.

Also, use this time to sort out your emotions so you can be a healthier individual moving forward, one without bitterness toward relationships, without hatred toward your partner, and with forgiveness in your heart. Perhaps, seek out a counselor or life coach to help you build yourself back up.

Second, you mentioned that you are broken. This makes me wonder if you are asking yourself any or all of the following questions: What’s wrong with me? Why does this keep happening to me? Why can’t I have a healthy relationship?

I don’t know your relationship history, but let me encourage you and challenge you to do two things: (1) I want you to learn how to truly love yourself so that others can, too; and (2) I want you to get to know your worth.

When you start to truly love yourself, you will feel less insecure, learn to trust, and learn how much to give to others. When you know your worth, no one can take it away. Worth is what you already have, you just need to recognize it and be sure others do, too.

Third, you said you are sad. Well, it’s time to have some fun. Challenge yourself to an adventure. For example, do three things to give yourself that makeover. Perhaps you can update your look with a new wardrobe and a new hair color.

Plan a weekend trip filled with activities. Ask a travel agent to book you a trip with a group you don’t know to make new friends and have fun!

Finally, if you do all of the above, you have just started over. Congratulations!

Happy New Year and wishing you the very best in your new adventure.

Dr. Carletta N. Perry is a Doctor of Psychology, author, professor, life coach, TV/radio host, and motivational speaker. Submit your questions for this feature to drcarletta@gmail.com.