Trusting right where I am

Published 6:21 pm Friday, December 18, 2020

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By Tonya S. Swindell

What does it look like, Lord, to trust You right where I am? There are so many unseen forces that I still cannot understand. Hatred and division are coming from the right and left and I need You to be my Center, because I admit that I have wept.

Tears have watered my face and my heart has felt Your distaste for the uneasiness and disharmony that has filled our collective space. I haven’t seen anything like it, although previous generations have. Only You possess the serum, the most effective healing salve.

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But how do we address our differences, those things that have kept us apart? We look deep down on the inside and examine the human heart. What hurts me hurts You too, if not directly, indirect. And It may be surprising to know how much our viewpoints intersect.

It may take some exploration and an extreme amount of patience to turn heated disagreements into constructive conversations. The peace You give is a keeper, a maintainer of sanity. But hope can seem so fleeting when progress is hard to see.

You can bring balance to a seemingly unjust scale where the emotional weights of people can seem so hard to heal. It causes me to ask, how can we move beyond our past and see changes in our nation that are strong enough to last? With You at the Center we are destined to remember the reason why we are called the land of the free.

My questions are unending and I’m still in the process of sending prayer requests to heaven for a necessary mending of emotions that were battered, special bonds that were shattered, dreams that were fractured in relationships that mattered.

I ask for Your guidance even in my silence. I search for words to say when it’s difficult to pray. I go down on my knees to make my emotional plea for the blessing of unity to settle on our country.

Then I think of another way to get results when I pray and soon realize how much my actions need to change. Instead of making requests for things to go my way, I start paying more attention to what I do and say.

Praying without ceasing is Your ultimate goal and You allow me to be blessed when things seem out of control. You acknowledge my limitations and the times I have felt anxious. You listen to my confessions as I receive important lessons. You allow my heart to grieve whenever my loved ones leave. You accept when my heart aches and when sadness has altered my face.

You know when I haven’t met my goals. You’re patient just the same, not willing that I should give up, on my victories yet to claim. You hear my cry for mercy which is my biggest and best prayer. You help me go through challenges and make choices as I prepare.

You meet me in the middle, a sacred space of intimacy, right in the center of Your heart is where I long to be. I’m thankful for the way in which You lead and guide me to people desiring peace and true tranquility. A common goal can get us there if from the Center point we strive, to acknowledge our weaknesses, be courageous and unify.

Tonya Swindell is an occupational therapist. She is also a teacher for Kingdom Building Institute ( She can be reached at