Most every restaurant in town is in big trouble with the health authorities that have spoken loudly and nationally that nasty acrylamides result from the deep fat french fries. It can’t be avoided unless they stop cooking in that good-tasting bad stuff called fat. The odds are better you’ll will win the lottery. There is no substitute product that goes well with &uot;burger and,&uot; nor a word in our language to replace &uot;fries.&uot; Our deep fat cravings are so deeply ingrained we can’t cease stuffing them, and if we did the fast food industry would suffer economic collapse.

Think of the hardship that would then be imposed on those high school students who waste four years of taxes and teacher time to keep their minds honed for high-tech cash register jobs. It is only necessary they learn to recognize the denomination of coin and currency so the machine can figure the exact change. Medical authorities are less than absolutely unmistakably positive what the harmful effects from ingesting acrylamides can be, but the word sounds very bad. The FDA must take no chances, but their helpful suggestion to substitute steamed cauliflower will fall on deaf ears.

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It has been obvious for eons that not all politicians can be trusted. Nor can some priests, corporate officials, CEOs, Mexican border police, cheating students, and a majority of stock analysts. Millions of American women will be delighted and their faith restored if it turns out Martha Stewart was merely a harmless victim of stock market insider traders.

Now this nation must watch out for overly zealous nutty judges whose next step will most certainly be to insist that the Constitution of the United States forbids us to utter the phrase, &uot;In God We Trust.&uot;

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It’s no reflection on Boy Scout Leaders in general but one over in Blue Springs was charged with 32 counts of sexually abusing boys. He, unlike a few guilty priests, did manage to turn himself in to police. Unlike priests he is in jail held on a million-dollar bond. Why is this man being treated differently than men of the cloth? Why is he not allowed to maintain his status in his community and continue to teach knot tying? Whatever happened to &uot;What’s good for the goose is good for the gander&uot;?

Some say, &uot;But these priests are old men.&uot; But they were young when they performed their despicable acts so let’s put the young men in jail.

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Surely, if they do random drug testing in schools, those tested will include teachers and administrators. Seems fair to me. I’ve often wondered how a teacher in his or her right mind could deal with a band of teenagers five days a week without the aid of substance abuse or a gun. A gun is no longer allowed in schools but a two-foot billy might be effective.

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It is reported that five schools in Portsmouth will become fully accredited as a result of much improved SAT scores. It’s a very good sign and this could motivate other schools in other cities to join the competition for looking good on paper. But now, just as things are looking up in some schools, a College Board of Trustees voted to add a hand-written essay to the SAT testing as an additional hurdle and measurement of progress.

As compensation for this addition they agreed to drop the test section on analogy. This new test will be a difficult challenge to some students, as they will have to prove their readiness for college by not only reading, but also writing, hopefully in English. Testers may come upon essays better that this history report I found in a teacher’s memoirs: Christopher Columbus was a great navigator and discovered America while cursing around the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Sante Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean and this was called Pilgrim’s Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this. Abraham Lincoln’s mother was born in infancy and he was born in a cabin he built with his own hands. He wrote the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theatre and got shot in his seat. This ruined Booth’s career as an actor.

Robert Pocklington lives in Suffolk and is a regular News-Herald columnist.