Resolutions made and broken

Published 12:00 am Thursday, January 16, 2003

It can’t be that time! A year has passed? I’m a year older? I checked the calendar and there was 2002 last day. I liked the look of that number. It was balanced and now putting a three on the end spoils the looks. But who am I to fool around with something I can’t control?

Let’s get at who came up with this resolution bit. Making resolutions mean what you are changing and not doing any longer (you should live so long!) that couldn’t have been right in the first place.

Starting way back I was about 11 and attending parochial school, We got the &uot;standard&uot; parochial school suggestion as to new year’s resolution. Give up something dear to you – that’s a true sacrifice! Of course! I’ll give up chocolate – that’s a true sacrifice isn’t it? On this the gods were lying in wait for me! Oh yes! I loved chocolate.

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My mother had a sister who to us was Aunt Flossie. I always thought of a cow when I heard her name. A cow she did not resemble. Aunt Flossie was single and a knock-out, in fact, the Collahan girls (she and my mother) were both knock outs (ask my dad).

Since Aunt Flossie lived close by, she was at my house quite often. After making a no-chocolate resolution and feeling so pure and painless with the decision I came from school to see Aunt Flossie at the kitchen table with my mother. Kitchens were where you greeted company and entertained. It was close to a law. At Aunt Flossie’s’ sight was a box of Fanny Farmer’s Candy. Remember her? Gone was the saintly resolution Fanny Farmer won! So I’m weak!

Next big resolution so important came in high school. I gave up boys! Let’s understand this wasn’t a defense action – I was very popular and about to go steady. I loved the clamor it brought about! After a few calls for dates and my noble attitude killing them the calls ceased – they took me at my word. At first the sacrifice made me feel holy. A few boring no-date nights I now had to scheme to get back on track but to also save face. How I schemed. Here’s how I did it. I organized some all-girl parties and made sure they were well attended by the most popular girls making them unavailable to the guys. I organized a winter weekend thru’ the women’s club and made sure the guys heard about the fabulous weekend.

Now the guys came to me in what I called a surrender .The dates began – I liked boys again and told them so. Resolution broken and I saved face. The guy and girls stuff I worked at and became good at. Any romantic problems? Give me a call. I love to scheme girl-versus-boy; it will work man-versus-woman. I don’t even charge for the services. Wait till I write my valentine episode – you’ll love it! Poor guys.

Florence Arena is a resident of Hillcrest Retirement Center and a regular columnist for the News-Herald.