Money! Money! Money!

Published 12:00 am Thursday, March 20, 2003

Lately I’ve had the distinct impression our government has rows and rows of money trees in the White House back yard. I’d give anything if a few seeds of said trees were sent to me. I’d even pay the postage even though our president gets free postage.

But let’s get down to business. When it looked like we were going to be involved with Afghanistan, we went to Pakistan and asked very politely, &uot;Could we use your border while we fight your neighbor and the Taliban? We’ll give you $50 million.&uot; How could anyone resist such a generous offer? They should try me. We pay out money as though they are family members. (If it would help, I’ll change my name). This was a $50 million one. Wait till you hear about Israel!

For years we’ve been paying Israel. We pay Israel $350 billion a year for friendship and help if anyone plays &uot;war games&uot; with her. Iraq wants badly to blow her off the world. Iraq hesitates because of us, but now we’re the ones Iraq would love to see blown as of now, so we’ll leave her alone to continue making her bombs and being hated.

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I haven’t told you about Egypt. During the Gulf War when Daddy Bush was president, he needed help and went to Egypt. End of talk. Egypt ended up with $9 billion (a &uot;b&uot; here, please.). Egypt did help and the U.S. forgave the debt. What a present! Any time Daddy B. or Son B wants to pay my bills I won’t argue.

Many enjoyed our generosity. We sent troops to the Philippines to help them fight a band of terrorists similar to bin Laden and his merry men. We went to help, but we also paid.

The moral is – cry for help, tell us how great and powerful we are (and we are). Result – the money is yours. Think I’ll try it. We contribute (like an allowance) to Israel, Egypt, Japan, Korea (South, of course, North hates us.) Maybe we just adopt as many as we can. Perhaps we have a godmother complex. Hope we can afford it.

Florence Arena is a resident of Hillcrest Retirement Center and a regular Suffolk News-Herald columnist.