President Bush might have said this
Published 12:00 am Thursday, March 27, 2003
But he didn’t. It came to me over the Internet, no name attached to give credit to, no title, just what you see below. I thought I’d just pass it along to you:
&uot;My fellow Americans, I have a number of important announcements to make today. Effective immediately, I have ordered all American armed forces out of South Korea and will cease all aid to South Korea. The South Koreans have made it clear that they know better about their own security and will therefore be given the opportunity to take on that responsibility themselves.
&uot;At the same time, I would like the North Koreans to know that we have targeted all major North Korean cities and military installations with submarine based nuclear missiles and any attempt by them to cross the demilitarized zone, or any attack of any kind on any nation, and I will order a full and complete launch of our missiles. In addition, if North Korea ships any nuclear materials or weapons to any country, we will launch missiles against all their government and military installations. I leave it up to the good judgment of the American people whether they want to continue buying unsafe cars made by people who hate us.
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&uot;I am also closing all US bases in Germany and returning our troops home. I will leave it up to the good judgment of Americans whether they want to continue to buy overpriced cars made by former Nazis.
&uot;I have this day, ordered all of the bodies of American soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines buried on French soil to be exhumed and sent home for burial in the United States.
&uot;I would also like to announce that, effective immediately, the United States is suspending membership in the United Nations and will cease all payments to that organization. They have proven to be silly and ineffective and a waste of your taxpayer dollars.
&uot;The United States has invited the United Kingdom, Australia, Turkey, Italy, Spain, other willing European countries, and former members of the eastern block who are now free and fully appreciate the price of freedom, to join a new alliance – NNATO (NOT NATO).
The United States will continue its membership in NATO to the extent that it suits our national interests, but will no longer promise to unconditionally defend France and Germany and that includes from each other. With regard to Belgium – who cares?
&uot;With regard to the war on terrorism and the recent elevation of risk alert – I am notifying all nations who have supported, funded, and
protected Al Qaida, that any mass casualty attack on the United States or U.S. citizens abroad will result in a nuclear retaliatory attack on the capitals of those nations and any known Al Qaida camps in those nations. After Sept. 11, 2001, I said that you are either with us – or with the terrorists.
&uot;Now is when all nations will get to chose for real. Fully, completely, and honestly cooperate in shutting down Al Qaida right now, or suffer the same consequences that we will inflict on them. All American citizens are advised to leave these countries immediately. You know who they are.
&uot;In closing, I would like to say to Hillary and Tom (Daschle): shut up!!!
&uot;God bless the United States of America&uot;
George W. Bush
Robert Pocklington is a resident of Suffolk and a regular News-Herald columnist.