Cloistered Mark A. Grethen for the second time was nominated for a high Republican honor so I dropped by his rent-free residence to congratulate him. I’d say he was mildly upset and when I asked why, he responded with, &uot;Look, dammit, I won that award two years ago and this time it screws up my chances for a Nobel peace prize.&uot; I did not realize until that moment that prison rules clearly enunciate that a felon twice nominated for such a high Republican honor is ineligible for the Nobel unless those nominations are separated by a minimum of five years. Kit Webb and the NRCC should have known this, so Grethen will file a lawsuit, insisting his good name and potential future image is now in jeopardy, probably permanently altered. He further states that his opportunity to receive the gold medal is restricted unless Congressman Forbes will agree to pin it on him through bars. But there is little chance he will ever get to wear his tuxedo. I know the NRCC image is permanently altered, as well as my pride at being a Republican.

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Newspaper headlines for news items sure can vary by reporter. One in the Pilot reads, &uot;Suffolk Hotel Still Waits For Financing.&uot;

The News Herald reports, &uot;Hotel Package Closing Nearly Ready.&uot; James Stormont Jr., part of the business group partnering with the city to develop the $22 million project said, &uot;We’re almost there.&uot; By the time this gets into print they may have found the moolah and have all signatures on the dotted line. Then only weather and an unstable hotel site can prevent a groundbreaking silver shovel brigade. Grand opening will be slated for early 2005. But as of this moment there is still hope that a financial backer will have a change of heart. If that were true do you suppose the city would expect us, the citizens, to finance it with our tax money?

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As a boat owner in Lone Star Lakes I recently received a survey from a marketing firm questioning, among other things, my need to have a marina located at Lone Star. I can’t imagine who initiated that survey, unless… I’d sure like to see a marketing survey presented to the citizens of Suffolk asking their sentiments concerning a tourist-drawing Indian village named Mattanock. The survey questions could be posed by the team at Regent University pointing out the many positive reasons it would be a success and financially rewarding to the taxpayers of this city. Then Steve Herbert, who appears now to have graciously removed himself from the discussion loop – sure he has – could provide the negatives. To put it simply, the folks who put the Mattanock Indian village plans together are not getting a fair shake. Someone is tossing a wet blanket on the Indian fire. A boat ramp at Lone Star would be great but not a marina. Brady’s would be even better.

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Call it a miracle, I’ll believe it, when a man shakes off a 19-year coma and returns to the living. He will make millions when he recovers enough to make the rounds of TV early morning talk shows. And when he finds out what is going on in this decade he may wish to remain in 1984. Probably it’s best he leave his TV off, avoid the movies, and read only the books that were best sellers back when he was first injured. He will have to get used to the fact that he is not the same man, physically, nor are the people around him. And his house may need a new roof and a coat of paint. What a story this is. Oprah will go nuts and he will wonder where she came from. He won’t know Johnny Carson’s replacement and his first wish will not be to go to Disneyland. Wait till he sees the preponderance of fast food outlets, the size of Wal-Mart, and the price of gas. I almost envy him, 1984 was a good year and I’d love to wake up tomorrow and be back there.

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RUMOR FLASH: You might not hear this from Elizabeth McCrory, our lovely queen of Hype, but it’s rumored that the former main chef of Nick’s Pavilion has purchased the Downtowner restaurant, and you know what that could mean. But, sadly, the gentleman who bought the Crystal restaurant and spent a ton of money restoring it both inside and out, will not open. It may mean he didn’t buy the hype. So if you have the courage to invest in an eatery, it will be up and ready when you close the deal. That adds to one not opening, and one possibly opening under new management. On the negative side we hear the flower and gift shop, &uot;Heavenly Touch,&uot; will show the closed sign permanently.

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Saw a few timely T-shirts I’ll pass on. &uot;You’re just jealous because the voices talk only to me.&uot; &uot;The gene pool could use a little chlorine.&uot; &uot;I work hard because millions on welfare depend upon it.&uot; &uot;Rehab is for quitters.&uot; NEW POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN… cops have nothing to go on.

Robert Pocklington is a resident of Suffolk and a regular News-Herald columnist.