Just for laughs
Published 12:00 am Wednesday, July 7, 2004
Sometimes you come across stuff in your mail you must pass on even if you don’t know who wrote it, and I don’t. It came in just about the time our neighbor’s daughter had her fourth child. After reading this you will wonder how that fourth baby will be treated com-pared to her first. The difference is certainly not a case of neglect, just wise experience.
1st baby: you begin wearing maternity clothes just as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: you wear your regular clothes as long as possible. 3rd baby: your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for your first baby you practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby, you don’t bother practicing because you remember that last time breathing didn’t do a thing. 3rd baby, you ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
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1st baby, you pre-wash new baby clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau. 2nd baby, you check to make sure the baby clothes are clean and discard only those with the darkest stains. 3rd baby, boys can wear pink, can’t they?
1st baby, at the first sign of a whimper, a frown, you pick up the baby. 2nd baby, you pick her up when her wails threaten to wake up your first-born, 3rd baby, you teach your four-year-old how to wind the mechanical swing.
1st baby, if the pacifier falls on the floor you put it in your pocket until you can go home and boil and wash it. 2nd baby, when the pacifier falls on the floor you squirt it with some juice from the baby’s bottle. 3rd baby you wipe it off on your shirt and pop it in.
1st baby. You change your baby’s diaper every hour. 2nd baby you change the baby’s diaper every two to three hours if needed. 3rd baby you change your baby’s diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to his knees.
1st baby. You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics and Baby Story Hour. 2nd baby you take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. 3rd baby, you take your infant to the supermarket and the drugstore and the drycleaner,
1st baby. The first time you leave your baby with a sitter you call home five times. 2nd baby. Just before you walk out the door you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. 3rd baby. You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
1st baby. You spend a bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 2nd baby. You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. 3rd baby. You spend a bit of every day hiding from the children.
1st child. When your first child swallows a coin you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays. 2nd child. When a second child swallows a coin you carefully watch for the coin to pass. 3rd child. When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance.
Not so funny is this question…was it Councilwoman Linda Johnson that cast the deciding votes for the top officials and added to the already too much power downtown? Somebody did and it wasn’t Dickens. Sour grapes? You bet…council childishness cost us the finest mayor we’ve had .in recent years and it makes sense to me that Dickens dump the load he has been carrying in Ralph’s lap. Then we will see if Ralph can be a &uot;stay at home&uot; mayor and still follow up on all Dickens is doing for Suffolk.
On the bright side, when I call my Chuckatuck council rep I expect him to be even more available and not off on some mission to sell Suffolk. He should now feel like he’s going on vacation. &uot;There is no ‘I’ in teamwork&uot; said Ralph. Does that mean Ralph is not included? Common sense did not prevail downtown; Council let us down.
Robert Pocklington is a resident of Suffolk and a regular News-Herald columnist. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.