Is there a pattern here?

Published 12:00 am Tuesday, January 25, 2005

1968: Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by Muslim male extremists. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by Muslim male extremists. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by Muslim male extremists. During the 1980’s a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by Muslim male extremists.

You get the idea? Muslim male extremists in 1983 blew up the US Marine barracks in Beirut. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year-old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed…ALL BY MALE Muslim extremists.

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take out the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered.

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Do you see pattern here to justify profiling? But to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people. They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the president’s security detail, 85-year old congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winning former Gov. Joe Foss, but leave Muslim males between the ages 17 and 40 alone because of profiling. Should we send a copy of this to Gloria Alredd and other dunder-headed attorneys along with Federal Justices that want to thwart common sense? As the writer of the award winning story &uot;Forrest Gump&uot; so aptly put it, &uot;Stupid is as stupid does.&uot;

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Today’s Stock Market Report. Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cow steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated. Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

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Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, &uot;Did I wake you?&uot;

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won’t wear out. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. Your eyes won’t get much worse. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. Your secrets are safe with your friends, because they can’t remember them either. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

Robert Pocklington lives in Suffolk and is a regular News-Herald columnist. He can be reached at