I got a break

Published 12:00 am Saturday, January 29, 2005

What kind of break? I knew you’d ask that! I doubt that many ever give a thought to the many kinds, but by now you know I’ll carry it to new levels. Before I go into it I’ll tell you about my break.

I woke about 5 a.m. on Christmas morn (nice touch that &uot;morn&uot;) and decided I’d take a trip to the bathroom. As I stepped out of bed I knew I was going to fall. My mind is a strange one, unlike the usual ones. I knew I’d fall. With a push of my foot I got my walker out of the way. Falling on that would have been a disaster. Set my hand to break the fall to avoid the usual broken hip. I would like a penny for all of the broken hips of the old just in the United States. I’d take you all out to dinner state by state. Really.

Back to my trip to the floor. I blame myself since I came up with the idea I was going to fall. Result of fall-broken wrist, naturally! I’m right handed and the thought came, &uot;There goes any writing. The world will never get to know me. What a loss!&uot;

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Falling on my right hand only made me mad. Rang emergency bell. Not one but three aides came and jointly decided the hospital was to come and get me. No one asked me. The trip was complete with ambulance. Just to add to the joy it was Christmas morning and bitterly cold and Santa never did find out if I was naughty or nice. I was so mad at this point I really didn’t care. But Santa wasn’t about to be welcomed by me. I was too mad.

Came the ambulance and off we went right through the dining room. Naturally. As Santa and Mrs. Claus were in nightcap (is there really one) they were dressed for it. Not me. I was in a long silk nightie and a thin blanket ready to face the bitter cold. &uot;Christmas? Bah humbug!&uot; would have fit nicely. Obici would have a good many like me in the emergency room. To my side came a young boy with pure white hair and I just wondered why a young boy was there. Should have sent his grandmother but it was Christmas and I said nothing unusual for me.

I told him I hadn’t eaten and like a miracle sausage and eggs, cereal and milk appeared. Nice man-but tiny. Then the exam-what could we try? Get some x-rays done and see. Over to x-ray but before I we left I was gowned in one of the hideous ugly hospital gowns-one of a kind original. On Christmas day no less! At this point I was ready to punch Rudolph in the nose. Sorry Rudolph! Merry Christmas.

Time to leave. Out in the cold again. Nice trip back. Lovely men both to there and back from there. All the above were my first Christmas gift-broken wrist.

Now let’s explore a few other breaks. For instance, broke a promise. Don’t do it. Makes you look lousy. There’s break a heart-not good either. Would you like it yourself? No way!

Break into a sweat. Not good. You must be scared. Who needs that? Break into a trot-only if you’re on a horse. Watch that. Break a leg- an expression stage actors use as meaning good luck in the play. No wonder people saw they’re nuts. Break out the cards, poker players. Deal me in any time. These are a few of the break sayings being tried. I have a lot more if you need them. I’ve got my own on my right hand for now.

Florence Arena is a regular columnist for the News-Herald.