Fun in Cartman Land

Published 12:00 am Thursday, April 14, 2005

I spent the day Tuesday at King’s Dominion. It was media day and the part was showing off it’s new ride, based on the Tomb Raider movies and video games.

I took the wife and kids and we made a day of it. The kids were disappointed when we pulled into the lot and found only about two dozen cars. It turns out the park was closed except for the media.

Their spirits lifted soon, however, when park personnel literally gave us the red carpet treatment. We first got to stop at Starbucks for a free drink of whatever we wanted.

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Next, jeeps took us to Congo Land, the site of the new ride and the only area of the park that was open. We exited the jeep onto a red carpet.

Adam, my 15-year-old, said it was like the &uot;Cartman Land&uot; episode of South Park, when Eric Cartman inherited millions and bought his own theme park so he could keep people out and have all the rides to himself. It was pretty cool.

We watched in awe as the ride dropped fast and flipped people over and around. We were in awe because we are a family of chickens. We like to say we’re just not &uot;ride people,&uot; but in reality, we’re all just scared to death.

Well, 43 years of being coward was enough for me and I was determined to get a thrill. I climbed aboard and settled in my seat. However, at 6 foot 4, I didn’t fit in too well. I swear it felt like the restraint that went over my shoulders wouldn’t shut all the way and it was quite painful. I could just see it coming loose on the ride and me falling 50 feet to my death.

So I chickened out once again, grabbed my daughter, Catherine, and headed for the Scrambler. That’s enough of a thrill for me..