Preparing for disaster, Sept. 7, 2005

Published 12:00 am Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Ed Helms, a fake reporter on Comedy Central's fake news show, "The Daily Show," did a report last night about President Bush's response to Hurricane Katrina and the flooding in New Orleans. He said the president planned to go to New Orleans this week to announce the construction of a multi-billion flood control dam…in Arkansas.

"We're going to fight the floods there, so we don't have to fight them here," the president told the people of New Orleans.

Driving home last night from the office I tuned the radio to the Michael Savage show, which I sometimes do when things are not going well for the country, or I'm feeling kind of down and doubting my belief system. It helps reinforce my conviction that if I'm on the opposite side of him and those people who call in, then I'm on the side of right.

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As is typically the case, Savage was trying to fill his listeners with fear that the end is near. He was talking about survival. A caller noted that members of the Mormon faith are encouraged to hoard enough food, water and other supplies to last for a year should a disaster strike and how church members go to regional Mormon-operated canning facilities to can their own food. I cannot vouch for the veracity of this claim, though I've heard it before.

Savage, who was blaming the entire New Orleans situation on the liberal "enemy within,"

loved it. "There's the only religion that really cares about its members," he said, or words to that effect. "They are preaching survival."

When I got home I told my wife about it and, after considering all we had seen on television in the past week about the hunger, thirst, chaos and looting going on in New Orleans, we decided that the Mormons were on to something and we had better spring into action. The

Prutsoks were not going to wind up in the streets with nothing.

When disaster strikes here, we'll be ready. We're going to find out where some Mormons live so we'll know what homes to loot should the need arise.

Update, Sept. 8: I’ve received several emails concerning this piece from Mormons who were none to amused or pleased with my attempt at humor. One I liked in particular, that was posted below, stated that in the event of a disaster, it would not be necessary to &uot;loot&uot; a Mormon’s home, but to merely ask for help.&uot; That made me fell about the size of gnat, and rightfully so, I suppose. Anyway, my regrets for any offense anyone might have taken at my ramblings and I’ll be careful about such generalizations in the future – AP