Dear Linda

Published 12:00 am Sunday, January 29, 2006

I am writing to you because I believe I heard you say at a council meeting, or read about it, that you could go either way with those miserable decals we are forced to plaster on our windshields during the coldest month of every winter. You are welcome to bring your specialized removal tools to my home and perform your, as you describe it, easy task on our two cars. I’ve been doing it to my old Buick since 1995 and that portion of my windshield is badly scarred. And there remnants of glue that have been there 15 years, impossible to reach and probably the finest glue ever invented, are so tough it breaks razor blades and skins knuckles.

My wife’s 2000 Dodge has a slanted windshield, requiring a long arm like a chimpanzee, and she gave up removal and installation when her arm became dislocated. We both have arthritis in our shoulders and vehemently curse the treasurer when we get the decal notice in January. Now I can think of you, Linda Johnson; you are fortunate to not be from my Chuckatuck Borough or I would campaign against your re-election. And I want also to compliment whoever designed the form we must fill out and send back at $20 dollars each for the colorful decal that no cop could tell was missing, or had not been changed, because they follow from behind. I suppose downtown it is easier because the &uot;trained-to-stop-crime&uot; police can merely walk the street and ticket those cars in violation, perhaps the same officer that chalks tires. I have to wrestle off decals, but the smart cop has the chalk on the end of a long stick and doesn’t even have to bend over.

That decal form has a place where the owners, sometimes two of them, must sign and also squeeze in their Social Security numbers. Don’t city officials know who they are sending them to, even after a decade of repetition? I have learned that if you don’t buy a decal you won’t be able to renew your driver’s license. Of course there is no mention of the cost of this program to taxpayers, or the nuisance value. A number must be assigned to each decal and I’d like to know why. I can’t imagine anyone fool enough to steal a decal, assuming they could break into the car … they don’t just fall off even with Linda’s specialized tool that has no other use in the world. My Buick’s dashboard is littered with pieces of past decals that stick there when they drop off. It’s easier to cover that mess up than unstick them.


Email newsletter signup

Other nearby city’s treasury department employees rejoice because they no longer have to fool with this time-consuming, annual function. Our police would be relieved of a silly responsibility to capture wanton criminals who fail to adorn their automobiles with such pictures as restored railroad stations and, this year, an untested and very expensive cultural center. Please, Linda, jump on the bandwagon to rid us of this yearly pain.

They always know

Here are some wise words from Andy Rooney. Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50. They always know.

Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 50+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 18-year-old waitress.

Contact Robert Pocklington at