How to buy for a billionaire

Published 9:14 pm Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Somehow, Christmas is only 21 days away.

I do not understand it; it seems like last Christmas was just last Monday.

But there I was this week, out with Christy, my best friend from high school, Christmas shopping.

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As we were walking through the mall and checking people off our lists, I had to admit I was pretty proud of the progress I was making. I found some great stuff for some cool people in my life (I would go into more detail, but they might be reading this column right now and thereby ruin the surprise Christmas morning).

Anyway, happy with some of my purchases, I wrapped some presents Monday night and felt somewhat productive.

Then, I went online to try to knock out the rest of my list.

My brother is sort of the technology guy in the family, and I figured I could find some gadget that would pique his interest for at least a week.

While I didn’t find anything for Bert, I did find one of the oddest gift guides.

PCWorld unleashed its “Technology for the Obscenely Wealthy” list as a part of its holiday tech guide for 2008. I guess the point was to give you an idea of what Bill Gates and Oprah could buy themselves for Christmas.

For starters, there was a plasma television that costs more than $69,000.

Let me repeat myself: a TV costs approximately four times as much as my car. I mean, is the TV going to teleport the cast from “The Office” right into my living room? Apparently, it’s just bigger and more higher-def, because that makes sense to shell out 70 grand.

It didn’t stop there.

There was the $3,500 laptop computer, the $2,000 cell phone and the $109,000 car.

These “gifts” are not just expensive; they are preposterous.

The list included a $160,000 cryonic suspended animation, where you are kept frozen instead of dying in hopes scientists will be able to cure your ailments when they wake you up in the future.


This leaves me with a lot of questions: How do you even wrap that? Do you get a gift receipt? What precisely is the return policy for a cryonic treatment?

And, furthermore, what kind of creepy Christmas gift would it be to have your loved one put to sleep?

“Hey Dad, we all chipped in and now you can go freeze yourself – See you in 2040!”

I think not.

Anyway, feel free to check out the list online for yourself, but trust me, I’d rather just stick to finding what I can at the mall.