Too much TV to move

Published 10:48 pm Monday, January 26, 2009

We all know that feeling of dread.

You know the feeling you get when that friend who is getting ready to move shows up on your caller ID, and you just know one of your weekend days is about to get sucked into oblivion moving gigantic pieces of furniture that no human being should ever own.

However, that friend knows you so well that they will surely find out, sooner or later, that your mother wasn’t really sick that day, you didn’t really have to work that day, and you hadn’t really already promised a different friend that you would get together for lunch.

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I had that pleasure last week, when a text message from my cousin April begged me to help her move – and to enlist more helpers.

So, on Sunday, I showed up with my co-worker, Troy Cooper, who just LOVES helping people move. Talking him into helping wasn’t hard – all I had to do was mention that dinner that night would be steak with lobster thermidor sauce.

On the way to April’s old apartment, a horrifying thought struck me – what if she wants us to help move the television? April’s TV, a 65-inch monstrosity that is quite possibly the heaviest manmade object designed to fit in a building, takes about six people to move and usually winds up injuring at least a couple in the process.

Much to my dismay, we showed up at the apartment and the TV was still there. I knew we were in for a long night.

After moving some other small items, Troy, April, her boyfriend and I used chocolate cake to recruit two of April’s neighbors, and the six of us gathered around the TV. We swung open the apartment’s double doors to the cold night air, rolled the TV to the entrance, and began to move it out.

We soon found, however, that it would not fit around the corner like it was, so we had to move it back into the apartment, turn it, and try again. This time, it went around the corner, and it was hanging precariously over the edge of the staircase.

After sliding moving straps under the monster, the four men took it slowly down the slippery staircase, and somehow made it to the bottom with TV and people unscathed.

The next order of business was to roll it down the staircase to the truck. This was where the injuries began. A couple of people sprained their wrists trying to lift the TV into the truck, and a couple of people hurt their feet while trying to unload it at April’s new house.

The good news, though, is that we’re all still alive – and the TV still works, too.